Intentional Suffering, continued

I’d rather be at a movie, or I’m missing something. Or, I’m a little tense or my tummy’s not quite right. What do I do with all that? I try to ignore it. I turn away from it. I try to dismiss it - as if I could! I can’t make my tummy ache go away. Maybe I could learn to accept these things, to be present to them. To maybe learn something, over time, by being present to what is going on. I am never aware of what is going on in me now. Yes, a moment later, I see that I rubbed my nose and offended someone, but the impulse to do that, I don’t notice. Maybe I can stop because I will offend. Intentional suffering is not such a big thing as the words seem to make of it, but without intentional awareness, you can’t experience it. For a moment, maybe. But it requires a very good attention to stay when everything wants to run away…it’s very personal, very practical, very down-to-earth, not some great mystical mystery. It is very useful to not reject my headache, my toothache. It depends on being awake. It means to be just here now. Not in my dreams or worries of the past or the future. I come to myself here, now. Try now. Just be here now. For a moment, you can, some more than others. What helps with that: relax. I’m always fidgeting. It happens almost of itself if you let go. Sitting straight, at least, not too lopsided, helps. It happens almost of itself if you let go.